Recap: My birthday was fantastic! I had such a great time celebrating my two decades and ringing in a new year with my friends and even some (sorta) family! I was busy the whole weekend and exhausted by the end of it. It was wonderful; I felt so loved and special! I'm so grateful for all those who helped make me feel that way and made my day great. Thank you!
Moving forward to something that's been bothering me for a while now, I keep getting the question "What do you like to do?" Followed up with the phrase "Besides work." OR I keep getting the statement "You work too much." "You're too busy." "Do you ever have free time?" "Let's work around your schedule since you're soooo busy."
It's one thing for my friends to be joking with me because yes I am busy! But when people say this with no sense of sarcasm or lighthearted tone in their voice, it bothers me. Not because their correct or because I get offended, but mostly because I wish they would be like "YAY, go you! You're being successful and doing well." "Wow, good for you!" I take these comments as "Why do you do that to yourself?" "Why be so busy?" "You're crazy."
Well let's hash out somethings shall we? Pardon me for my rash words, I'm just a tad bit worked up about it all seeing as my last blog I explained what trials I've been going through...
1. Like I've said before, I THRIVE in busy. I'm better when I have plans. I like to be busy and be taking every free moment doing something with my time whether it be school, work, tennis, hanging with friends or going on a run, etc. Schedules are good with me. I like having free time to be lazy and just make up plans on the fly, sure. But I enjoy NOT spending my summer sitting in my apartment all day and then just going out with my friends that evening, that's not my style. I like to have a packed week and a slow, rested Sunday. I enjoy having two jobs and school, plus all my extra activities. SUE ME for enjoying every moment of my day/week.
2. New Chapters = New Outlooks. After a rough few months of kicking myself, being depressed, anxious and straight up miserable, I decided that I was tired of being brokenhearted and I was going to do all the things that make me happy again. I DID SOMETHING about the way I was feeling. I took a new outlook on life, I don't think that deserves to be looked down upon. Doing things that make me happy, how terrible!? WRONG, that should be encouraged. Happy things for me include school, work, tennis, ukulele, meeting people, hanging with friends and most recently DATING. (I actually really like going on dates, as odd as that may seem) I keep a busy schedule because that also makes me happy. Being occupied keeps me on my A-game since I really do thrive at having a packed schedule. This new outlook of striving to do things that make me happy, has me doing well.
I am showing to myself that this new chapter in my life I so reluctantly wanted is a good thing, and that's the truth. Staying busy with all these things I loved to do once before and am just picking up again, is really having a positive impact on my health in all aspects: spiritual, mental, physical and emotional. I'm doing better than I have been in a while. I'm playing tennis again, I'm making good money, classes are going well, I started running, I'm active in my Ward, I have LOST weight, I'm playing softball for the first time in years, I'm playing my uke again, I'm making new friends and doing tons of fun things! Life is great, and that's the truth. Nothing fake or forced about it. Busy = living life to the fullest!
3. It is not anyone's place to tell me I'm living my life in a bad way. No one gets to say I work too much or that I need to scale down, besides me. I'm doing the best I can, and the only way I know how to. I've always gone 100mph. It's just how I work. The moments that I do slow down, I cherish them. Those moments are my favorite. I know when I need a break, and I know when I need to slow down. I don't need a traffic cop to regulate my speed, I can handle myself. I promise. I'm an adult and I've been doing this busy business since I could walk. I mean this in the most sincere way possible, I really can do this and negativity really doesn't do me any good.
Best thing anyone can do is CHEER ME ON. I rather get commended for living crazy than be brought down about it. I'm proud of myself and that's all that matters, sure. However, it never hurts to get a little encouragement from those whom I surround myself with. And hey, instead of bashing my schedule try to keep up, promise you won't get bored. My crazy life is always interesting, and fun. Really, it is. I love life. I'm still having hard days, and some passing thoughts, but that's okay because those are just true things.
The TRUTH is that I'm loved. I'm beautiful. I am confident! I'm doing fantastic in all that I have going on. I'm going to my dream school. I'm busy doing all these happy things that I love! I have an amazing family and wonderful friends. I am a Daughter of God. I am so much more than a hard day and a few negative feelings. Negative thoughts don't come from God, so they aren't true!
Go me! I'm twenty! Classes are over! Softball tournament is so close, I can smell the new t shirt! I've got a nice tan from my summer of tennis. Finals end Wednesday. I'm going to be a New Student Orientation Leader. I'm going to buy my Parachute concert tickets this week, and a ROC pass. PLUS I'm looking at going to see Bastille in October. (So many good bands come to UT, so little money!) Oh and I think I've found a 5k that I want to sign up for. Life is great, I love it (:
