I am confident.
I'm not saying that I wasn't confident to begin with, I've always have had enough to keep me from getting trampled. Buuuut I've always been a little too nice, and the last 6 months, I was knocked down to a sliver of confidence holding me together. I knew that things were going to get better, even when every inch of my body wanted to give up. Even when I was in a bad place, I still knew that things weren't going to be like this always. I was confident enough to hold on to that tiny bit of hope that eventually, I was going to get through the trial, get over my emotions and feel better.
I simply wanted it to be right then, as fast as possible because the pain was unbearable. I was miserable. I was kicking myself for things that were out of my control, and blaming myself for things that weren't my fault. My confidence and self-respect was pretty shot. But with some help, I've been able to find that light at the end of the tunnel and look at myself in a different light.
I'm strong. I am able to get up every day and smile because I'm excited about what the new day has to offer. I love going to school and work, hanging out with my friends. I hate not having plans and sitting at home in bed. I don't avoid things in fear that they'll bring back memories. I don't run from my emotions. I take every day head on and face it all with a smile.
I'm independent. Not entirely of course, many people have helped support me through this trial. Though, I've shown myself that I can do so much on my own. I can walk to work, to campus, to the grocery store, to EVERYWHERE. I love walking. I can pay for things on my own, even school! I can make my own decisions. It's possible to be happy and single! I haven't been single, for more than a couple of months, in years. I've always been dating someone, so this adjusting to the single life thing, has been an eye opener. (6 months!)
I'm beautiful. I've always felt decently comfortable in my own skin, but I really was wearing tee shirt and jeans for a while; I would only dress up sometimes. Sure, I still love my ratty tees and jeans, but now, I enjoy wearing dresses, skirts and outfits which make me feel feminine! I feel comfortable wearing yoga pants and leggings, which I've never been able to do. Plus, I don't find the little flaws on my face bothersome. I'm not wearing make up at all now-a-days. I don't do my hair, I just let it air dry or throw it up in a pony and call it good. I love being able to look in the mirror and say, "I love my body." Not many girls are able to tell themselves that, so I consider myself blessed to feel secure with my image. Sure, I've lost some weight, got a decent tan and am in pretty good shape now, but that's not it. I just feel healthy and happy with the way I look, bruised legs and stupid pimples included.
I'm worth it. I deserve more than I give myself credit for. That's hard to say without feeling a tad bit selfish but I know that it's true. I can't let myself get taken advantage anymore. If I want to be valued, then I need to expect to be valued and desire equal treatment from those whom I value and respect. Relationships can't be one sided anymore. I can't let someone get away with treating me like I'm less than I am. That's not okay. I am me; I'm not a big deal or famous, but I'm special and a daughter of God. I deserve respect and kindness, I should accept nothing less.
I still have my bad days or hard moments, but I am able to get through them and smile later. I've learned so much and have grown. I will admit that I'm not completely healed, but I'm getting there with every day. I refuse to go back to that miserable girl who just worked and didn't hang out with her friends. The girl who was depressed and cried all the time. I am taking all that life has to offer and living it with trials, bad days, and tears included.
I'm becoming the person that God wants me to be. He knows me. I'm finally realizing that He was right, I can/could handle this. He didn't let this heartbreak happen because He wanted me to hurt. He just has something, someone, better in store. He wanted me have the opportunity to grow and become better for that person. He wanted me to be able to find myself again. Trials are tricky little things, you've just got to see how you're going to be better because of them in the end. I'm finally understanding it all as my heart heals. He gave me wonderful people to help me through this, along with his grace. I am loved.
I'm am confident, strong, independent, beautiful, worth it and loved. I am me. And I couldn't be happier with that fact.
Stay True (: xoxo